Last week I found another use for newspapers.
A few years back I came up with the top 10 uses for newspapers.
To refresh memories:
10. Preventing overspray when spray-painting lawn furniture;
9. Starting a fire in the firepit to roast hot dogs (as using gasoline usually results in missing eyebrows);
8. Cleaning windows with vinegar;
7. Pet uses from the cliché of lining bird cages to shredding for bedding in dog kennels;
6. Packing material when moving;
5. Covering flowerbeds to prevent weeds;
4. Papier-mâché creations;
3. Food for night crawlers sold to fishermen;
1. And the No. 1 reason for newspaper, of course, is news plus obituaries, comics, crossword puzzles, editorials, sudoku puzzles, classified and display advertisements and, of course, insightful columns like this one.
As a Christmas present for our 12-year-old grandson Landon, we gave him tickets to a theater performance. Last week my wife Kathy and I took Landon to McCain Auditorium in Manhattan to see Stomp.
Landon is on the drum line at his school and we thought he would be mesmerized by the two-hour performance. We were right-on.
The challenge was driving to Kansas City to pick him up and back to Manhattan through one-second fog. That would be reaction time of about one second, or the length of a car.
Generally the two-second rule is the rule of thumb by which a driver may maintain a safe trailing distance at any speed.
Coming home I was positive we would see deer in headlights.
(I’m attempting as many clichés as I can get by with today.)
Fortunately we made it without incident.
Describing Stomp to someone that hasn’t seen it — Kathy and I have seen it twice now — is difficult.
Without any dialogue, without singing, the performers interacted with the audience and had both ladies, gentlemen and children of all ages laughing hysterically.
They did this by making music with everything from a book of wooden matches to push brooms to sinks of water hanging from their necks to garbage can lids.
By now you readers should be getting the clue on the new use for newspaper.
In one scene, a performer sat down to do the crossword puzzle. Next thing he knew, other performers were sitting really close to him with newspapers in hand.
Soon he realized that those performers were creating rhythms with newspapers: scrunching, flattening, shaking.
One guy rolled up his newspaper and was using it as a drumstick.
Most audience members were just enjoying the performance. Me? I was adding to that list from my column.
(Drum roll) Another use for newspaper is a musical instrument and at 50 cents, possibly the cheapest and easiest to find.