The other morning while getting prepped for a day at the office, I brushed my teeth, used some of my long lasting deodorant and added a squirt or two of cologne.

“Well, I don’t need those two anymore,” I said to myself of the deodorant and cologne.

With social distancing of six feet or more, nobody should get close enough to me to smell any of that stuff. And with the mandate to wear a mask, nobody can see my face.

So, no more deodorant or fancy smelling cologne in my future.

While nobody should get close enough to get a whiff of me, let’s make it clear that regular bathing is still a must.

Once in awhile someone walks into the office smelling like a Texas cowboy rolling into Abilene in 1870 for the first time after being on the trail and it’s not a pretty aroma.

Lysol spray is applied all around after they exit.

Wearing a mask all day could also change my way of life.

I won’t need mouthwash, breath mints or teeth whitening strips anymore.

Women might face the fact that lipstick, Chapstick and maybe even some makeup products could also be history, at least until this pandemic is over, though it’s possible influenza outbreaks may become a new element from now on.

In fact, why shave?

And while I can clean out my medicine cabinet of a few items, there are some other things I need during my new normal.

One of those is a mask rack. 

Maybe I could convert my tie rack which is full of ties that are seldom or never worn these days. I already have three masks in my possession which I rotate on a daily basis after they have been washed.

Masks could actually be worn like ties. Masks might come in colors and prints to coordinate with clothing or holiday attire.

There could even be turkey prints at Thanksgiving, Santa and his reindeer at Christmas and other such novelty prints.

What better place for NASCAR drivers to increase their advertising dollars? Anderson Cooper could add to his wealth, (like he needs to), wearing an advertisement for Gloria Vanderbilt Eau de Toilette Spray on his mask. 

I also need an ALD in my new life. That is an assistive listening device to help amplify the voices at public meetings. With everyone wearing masks, voices are often muffled and, with them hidden, I can’t read lips. 

Improvements also need to be made to masks. Maybe they need to be made of a clear substance when it’s important to read facial expressions for clarity of something said.

At the very least, some company must invent a mask that prevents eye glasses from fogging up. 

There also must be a mask for party goers to drink coffee, tea, beer and wine while wearing them. And, of course, a way to handle what might come up after college kids drink too much of the latter two on that list.

Sometimes I do get a kick out of wearing a mask in public.

I often get, “Hi, Tim. How are you doing?”

“Dude, I’m wearing a mask. How do you know for sure it’s me? I know you aren’t close enough to smell me.”

Contact Tim Horan at

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