Tim Horan

A month ago I was sitting in my private office contemplating a vacation for an upcoming milestone anniversary.

The next day, the Reflector-Chronicle office moved exactly one block west on Cedar Street.

Today I am sitting in a shared office and, like many of you, wondering how to pay the utility bills.

For the times they are a-changin.’

Last month social distancing meant unliking someone on Facebook.

It was 14 days ago that U.S. Rep. Roger Marshall, who is a medical doctor, told me and everyone else that is over the age of 60 with any type of ailment, to go home and stay there.

Obviously, that has escalated to a stay-at-home order for all nonessential personnel. Now, I should stay home and catch up on all the exciting sporting events.

Saturday night ESPNU is showing the Maryland vs. Michigan State basketball game.

Wait. Wasn’t that game played in February?

Spoiler alert. Maryland wins.

Can I place a bet on that game? Oh, the casinos are closed.

Offshore casinos, however, are still taking proposition bets.

“Will the U.S. 2020 election happen on Nov. 3?”

The odds are better that Hilary Clinton will be the Democratic nominee for president than Bernie Sanders.

I guess newspapers are essential since I am at the office working.

And our stories are literally changing by the hour.

With the stay-at-home order in place, here is what I am expecting:

• No longer will local, state and world problems be solved at the coffee groups;

• In the coming weeks there will be no pictures of the winners of the senior center pool tournaments;

• Pickleball players will suffer withdrawal symptoms;

• The next time I play golf, I’ll have to walk. Now that we can leave the flags in, I will not have to wipe them with sanitary wipes every hole. (“NICE SHOT, KEVIN!” I’ll yell from across the fairway, maintaining the proper distance.)

• Latex gloves, dog clean up bags and Ziploc bags are now being used at the gas pumps;

(Now someone might wonder why someone like me would have a supply of 100 latex gloves. My wife Kathy would call it my feminine side. Anytime I work on a vehicle, change the oil, plant flowers, things like that, I wear latex gloves. Working with grease? Voila! No grease under the fingernails.)

• Rotarians, Lions and Optimists will form Facebook groups;

• Everyone’s now wishing they followed Dave Ramsey’s baby steps and had a large emergency fund;

• Gym members are wishing ESPN+ would start showing Jack LaLanne reruns; (For those of you whose Internet has showed down because all the students using it during the day, LaLanne was a fitness guru who showed simple exercises that could be done at home.)

The headline in September 2050 might say: “John opened the last package of toilet paper bought by his parents in 2020.”

But, all that could change in an hour.

Contact Tim Horan at editor@abilene-rc.com.

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