I wasn’t exactly sure what I might find.
A skeleton maybe.
Dust bunnies for sure.
Possibly some old shoes that haven’t been worn in 10 years.
In college when my fraternity decided to clean out the closets, we found dog poop. Only there hadn’t been a dog in the room for many years. I think it might have been petrified.
Last Sunday before the disappointing “bonk” when the football hit the goalpost, giving the Philadelphia Eagles a one-point victory over the Chicago Bears, my wife Kathy, rather we, decided I had time to clean out my closet. Yes, we have separate closets.
Just how much stuff can one collect in over 10 years?
With lyrics to Eminem’s song “Cleanin’ Out My Closet” and bleeping out some words, I got out the snow shovel and went to work.
The first thing I found was paper.
The top shelf had been my filing cabinet for the last 10 plus years.
I actually found that homeowners insurance policy I had been looking for five years ago and some old Father’s Day cards from the grandkids.
With the first 30-gallon trash bag full of unneeded documents, we forged on.
Of course, there were hats.
And, of course, my wife said they were all “ugly” hats. Most of the hats had never been worn as I seldom wear a hat.
The movie collection was in a box next to the hats.
• “The Magnificent Seven,” the 1960 original of course with Yul Brynner and Steve McQueen
• “It’s a Wonderful Life,” which someone gave me for Christmas
• “The Wizard of Oz,” which actually belonged to my wife
• “Mary Poppins,” which was the 1964 original with Julie Andrews and Dick Van Dyke bought when my kids were little
• “Rio Bravo” filmed in 1959 and “El Dorado” filmed in 1966 with the same plot
All were on VHS tapes or DVD and we have neither attached to a television set at this point in time.
(Maybe in the storeroom there is an old VHS or DVD player. I bet there is.)
There were a number of suit coats and sports jackets of which only one fit me.
Into the donation bag went the rest.
And there, in the box above the coats, was a box of shoes.
The jet black patent leather shoes went with the tuxedo that was last worn in 2000, almost 19 years ago when we celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary on a cruise.
They were just the first of three pair of sandals, two pair of Børn shoes, cowboy boots and a seldom worn pair of biker boots.
That pretty much filled two more 30-gallon donation bags.
While I have a couple purple polo shirts, I only had two true K-State products and in pantone color PMS 268, the official color for Kansas State University attire. One was a t-shirt and the other a hoodie, both with the Powercat logo.
And they fit like spandex.
Into the bag they went.
So for all you non-middle-aged men out there that don’t look like Kevin James, all of this stuff can be found at the Abilene Food and Clothing Center.
Don’t tell Kathy but I kept the hats. Wink!