I understand sometimes one must laugh off being the butt of a joke.
Comedians survive on insults: wives, ex-wives, politicians, big people, skinny people, the unlucky blonde sitting in the front row.
“If I were to insult people and mean it, that wouldn’t be funny,” said famous comedian Don Rickles. “You know, every night when I go out on stage, there’s always one nagging fear in the back of my mind. I’m always afraid that somewhere out there, there is one person in the audience that I’m *not* going to offend!”
Some comedians actually tell jokes.
Larry, the Cable Guy:
• This guy goes to his doctor one day and the doctor says, “I have bad news and worse news.” He says, “What’s the bad news?” The doctor says, “You’ve got 24 hours to live.” He says, “What’s the worse news?” Doctor says, “I forgot to call you yesterday.”
•I’m on that diet where you eat vegetables and drink wine. That’s a good diet. I lost 10 pounds and my driver’s license.
Some use shtick.
• You might be a Redneck if. . .More than one living relative is named after a Southern Civil War general. You think the stock market has a fence around it. You think the O.J. trial was the big Sunkist and Minutemaid taste test.
Some use a gimmick, like giving people “Stupid” signs to wear.
• It’s like before my wife and I moved. Our house was full of boxes and there was a U-Haul truck in our driveway. My friend comes over and says “Hey, you moving?” “Nope. We just pack our stuff up once or twice a week to see how many boxes it takes. Here’s your sign.”
• I stayed late at work one night and a co-worker looked at me and said, “Are you still here?” I replied, “No. I left 10 minutes ago. Here’s your sign.”
I always like Ron “Tater Salad” White. His signature gig includes drinking whiskey and smoking a cigar on stage as if you were at a cocktail party with him. He doesn’t really tell jokes, just stories. But the manner in which he tells the story is often hilarious.
However, I failed to find any humor in what I heard the other night. They must have not let him smoke at the Stiefel Theatre in Salina when he performed there recently. He was ready for revenge.
One night last week on TV, Ron White was telling his audience about how beautiful the people were that moved to California mainly to make movies. Most ended up with regular jobs, not necessarily in acting but they all had beautiful babies.
“And those babies grew up and met other babies from the area, and they got together from the same area and had even more beautiful babies.
“Almost the exact opposite thing is happening right now in Kansas. Kansas is full of ugly quitters. Have you ever been there? It’s true. Those people that live on the West Coast, their forefathers got on the Oregon Trail and fought hardships you and I can’t even dream of: starvation and weather and crossing the Rocky Mountains. Not those people in Kansas. Those people’s forefathers got on the Oregon Trail in St. Louis, Missouri. They got to Kansas and said, ‘*&^%$ it. I’m staying here.’”
Next, he made a fat, ugly person joke about Kansans.
“We had a baby. It looks just like a potato. And that potato grew up and met another potato from the same town. Abracadabra! Topeka!”
Some of those ugly quitter potatoes that were born in Kansas include Amelia Earhart, Annette Bening, Bob Dole, Marlin Fitzwater, Dennis Hopper, Buster Keaton, Barry Sanders, Gale Sayers, Don Johnson and Kirstie Alley. Didn’t some of them make it big in Hollywood?
We won’t tell Melissa Etheridge, another native Kansan, about that joke when she performs tonight (also at the Stiefel, her only Kansas stop on her tour).
Would the joke have been funnier if he had substituted Nebraska or Oklahoma?
Not so much, Ron.